Build Again

Over the course of the DED journey, I've felt so much support and love and it's going to come to a close very soon. I am somehow prepared for the new journey. Yet, with everything new, comes some kinds of fears and unknowns. 

This weekend, the word that keeps popping up is "abandonment", and I have to tell myself many many times over that I have to fight such a fear. If I let go of my own fears and my attachments to current needs and comfort, a new door will open, a new thing will come my way, and I'll be able to embrace another journey and learn, grow, develop. I keep having to tell myself that the next year will be ok, refusing to let negativity sink in, because they are going to be so real the next month, the next quarter. 

This morning, the devotion was about Timothy, how he just kept being brave. To know that if I am feeling unsure, uncertain, or even afraid today, Paul's encouragement to Timothy is for me too - Stir up my faith and trust in God, never forget that He is with me. With Him at my side, no matter how difficult things look, I can do whatever I need to do through Him. (https://joycemeyer.org/DailyDevo)

I think I am scared, because decisions have been made, and they are big ones. I will have to learn how to be brave, in Him. And all will be well. 

All these shadows in my mind - I can let light, the peace of God, the love of God, illuminate them. 

The last trip back to Singapore - is a reminder that God has been so close to me all throughout my life. While man may fail, He will never.

And Shan just had a long chat with me. We talked about how the weekend has been, how the next phases of our lives will look. She is such a blessing to me. Such a huge blessing. Good things come to those who wait. What we have built - we can build again. :)

Singapore 💓

https://youtu.be/6d1EL4qu3zs

Angel

God sent an angel into my life this week. 

Her name is Ghaya, and it's been a budding friendship. Every morning, we greet each other. :) The hugs, the kisses - and yesterday, it's become a deeper sharing. I wore an angel pendant to work this morning, and was thinking about how God knows all things, my innermost, and when I need an angel, He sent one to me. 

This pendant was given to me by Pricilla, a long time ago, when I moved divisions in SSG / WDA. And I've kept it and brought it to Abu Dhabi. Somehow, I decided to put it on this morning, as I was touched by Ghaya's sharing yesterday. And I seldom wear necklaces. 

This morning, Ghaya came into my office again, and we spoke about the Quran and Bible, and the different verses. It was so good to see her so excited, and to share her belief with me. There are so many similarities, and I learnt too, about Mariam (Mary), Lut (Lot), Yousef (Joseph), and also, Jesus. And... about Angels. 💓

Yesterday and today, she shared many Quran verses with me. And today, I learnt a new word - Zakah, which means "to purify, to cleanse", in Arabic. 

God is amazing. Experiences like that, always speaks of how real He is - His love for me. 

Today, time stood still

Today, time stood relatively still. 

I started reading "Before the coffee gets cold", and it tells of 4 different stories interwoven together, in a cafe, where time travel is possible, but with certain conditions. I finished the first story, and it piqued me enough to want to continue. She wanted to get back to the day where she could tell her boyfriend to stay, and it was an interesting depiction of how no matter what, the present cannot be changed, and the first story ended with the hope that we can always create the future. I found it alluring, to some extent, how the author was able to cleverly include the various elements of the reality, into a fictitious settings, and where all of us, at some point or another, would have thought about travelling back in time, the "what-ifs", even for pragmatists. 

I suppose this season is a season of "road not taken", "new beginnings", "possible futures", and there will not be another same season like this again. 

I came back from Berlin, and felt recharged and rejuvenated work-wise. Professionally, it was a very good time of networking and discussions, and learning how academics work, think, thrive - is also definitely enriching, and to hear some real nuggets from the Germans themselves, I was thankful. The panel and sharing, was also a good way for me to challenge myself, to know how I would respond on the spot, and not only that, but to share useful insights on both SG and AD. Of course, I had some butterflies. I can so vividly remember telling Shan and Jonas that I am going to disappear that day during lunch, just so I can go into my own space to breathe, and to process the various myriad thoughts and scenarios. 

I, for one, would not be able to just memorize and read off anything. I also came to realize that I need to listen, and to trust my own flow. SJ was right in that respect. She told me I will do very well. And that once I start, I will be in the flow. And, I so enjoyed the rich sharings and discussions. It is almost as if I have to know the audience, understand where they are headed towards and what they would be interested in, and then listen to the discussions, the critiques and comments, and the questions asked, and then provide my own inputs. I love this challenge. 

So Berlin has been tremendous. In fact, all the key trips this year have been tremendous. I did not plan for Japan; it just happened. I did not plan for Berlin; it just happened too. And it was also the UEFA Cup season in Berlin, and it so happened that Shan was able to join in as well. The week was so enriching for me. And to return to Abu Dhabi - while that in itself is a very welcoming thought (this place I now call home, and to get back into the structured routing), I also started to think about possible next areas of learning and improvement. 

The 44-yr old in me, just seems to have so much energy. 

I share some amazing nuggets and pictures here. Nowadays, it's become almost a routine for me to create a simple video. It is to help myself remember, and I started out doing this to learn how to use the video editing software. Beautiful Berlin (ooops, and I think my previous Berlin trip, I described it the same). 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yimf8hhxCck

Today, time really felt still. Office was slightly abuzz with reporting updates, considering future possibilities, and even, playing EID games. It is nice for a change; I think we all had some fun. And lunch too - a combination of my favourite local coffee and quiches. :)) 

I love this song that came on as I was running last night. It is a combination of 2 of my favourite songs. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_TbkEK7b5U

It is so amazing how music can soothe the soul. :))

Vivid Dream

I had such a vivid dream of a blazing fire tearing through SG last night. I woke up at 3am with that dream. I was standing on a small hill with 2 others, and thought I saw the blaze afar (like it was at some refinery), and then it was getting bigger and bigger. I thought I was safe, until it reached the area similar to MBS. 

The building, the top of the building started to vapourize. The blazes and fire were burning, and it was so bright, so fierce, so ferocious, and I could see the individual rooms and the whole building being consumed. And the next building caught fire too. 

The flames went up into the dark night sky. It was yellow, orangish, transparent - translucent, white, fiery hues. 

For a moment, I couldn't move, and was wondering if I should take out my camera to catch it on video. 

The 2nd building got consumed too. 

And then suddenly, the land - comprising of low-rise buildings and the CBD space, the boat quay, clarke quay, chinatown areas - different plots started to burst into orange flames. 

And suddenly, I wondered - are we safe? What is happening? How will the fire be put out? It looked so impossible to me. How will they get the fire under control? How will new PM Wong handle this? How will Singapore recover? 

Be Steady

This morning, I told myself
Be Calm, Don't react
Let the dust settle, let myself be me
Don't fret, don't wonder
Be me, be filled with the Fruits of the Spirit
Be steady. 

And, next week, I will be headed to Berlin with Shan. It's gonna be such a good time out, with much learning and networking and engagements, but also with exploring Berlin and perhaps a day trip out. HK, Japan, both came and went. I think this year will be peppered with such nuggets of exploration and excitement. 

I wonder how much I've come in terms of tennis. The recent sessions have been very enjoyable. Changing some techniques are hard, and yet once I get it, it feels so good. 

Singapore will beckon again in July. I am so looking forward. 

I suppose this morning, just tapping away here is therapy for me. Again, the full work day is still ahead. Be calm, be still, be steady. 

The Road Not Taken

FB recently reminded me of this pic... it was 12 years ago yesterday. 

Many things have changed, and yet, many are still constant. Through it all, still the same and constant. 

The last couple of months have flown by so swiftly. Kenji has also started to age. I've also gone to different places and met up with different ones. Japan has been awesome and such a wonderful break. Nothing compares to experiences gained, and hopefully growing wiser with age.

Beautiful Japan - thank you, and to MH, Lips, Sabie, Wendy. Much much 💓

https://youtu.be/gdXi85Qanaw

Robert Frost's beautiful poem sums up my decade, and the last few months up too. 

The Road Not Taken

💗 20231231

I tried to write... but I really couldn't write much... as my thoughts are a whirlwind... "Hossana" and "It is well" are just playing in the background, and just moments before, it was 嘉宾 and 只是太爱你... 

I am just very thankful for December, and everything that builds up to it.

There was some amount of rest; it was the first time I could take 13 days off, and with that and the weekends, it's been more than half the month. I had 2 amazing trips, one to Vienna and one where my favourite people came to visit me in Abu Dhabi. God has just been amazing and faithful, despite my weaknesses and my fragility so many times. 

I looked back at the year, and I really cannot describe in just one journal how it's been. It's been amazing at times, overwhelming others, and many times, I think as I go through one season, I get to know myself better. I think I learnt so much about myself throughout this year, much more compared to other years. I was touched by the Christmas sermon, when PK preached about darkness and how darkness is in itself necessary and a blessing - and where through dark times, we learn and mature, and grow. I think... this year has a couple of such times. They may not be totally dark, but what I think is that I've learnt about myself more through them. I think 2024 will still be that journey. 

I took up tennis more seriously in May. And this was somewhat a lifeline for me, for me to pour my emotions into, whenever I felt down and out. Yes, I learn techniques and enjoyed them, but just like running, tennis has also become a "time-out", for some me-time, even if I am playing different ones on the court. Maybe I get impatient some days, maybe I want to improve, but... it's been a tremendous time of learning, hitting, me-time, reflection time. :)) And, it's apt to say that I've ended my 2023 with one last hit. 

It's "You are my Sunshine" playing right now. :))

And - I am very grateful and my heart is overwhelmed, for the last 7 - 9 days. I had the most amazing time with everyone.. thank you Sabie, Lips, Daph, Ranie, Jon and Rena. You guys... are just Wao Wao Wao. I am so glad you can share in a little bit of my Abu Dhabi life, and see Kenji. Some ties, are for a long long long time.. It's amazing how everything came about. :))

The most precious times to me are not the visiting of the places, but the HTHTs we had at different moments, and throughout the night, especially the 2nd last night, where we gave thanks, we talked, we sang songs, we laughed ourselves silly. It's raw, it's real, and it's what is most special to me. Thank you, my dearest friends.

I can only sum up my gratitude in this one video here. And, I actually did 3 takes for this. The 1st 2 times, somehow, wasn't saved... me not the most savvy of all when it comes to video editing, but finally, this morning, I got it sorted out. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAwVPaD5WZw

And, my favourite photo of the trip. This. Maybe one day I will become her helper when she sets up her vet clinic. 

Looking at the above, I think one thing rings so true - seeds. We reap what we sow. I pray that I will continue to sow good seeds, and despite my fragility and weakness, that I will continue to sow, and bring much to the people around me. 

And - John 3:16 - for God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son... May I always remember how much God has so loved me, and that I may continue to do my best and do my best for Him. :)

这星期 - 感恩

悄悄地。。。以12月了。时间。。一年， 也就这样过去了。这时刻的我， 也该收拾下心情。毕竟多两天， 我也开始放长假了。星期天的感觉，就是有点安静。。。

Honestly, I have not written here for a while, because muses do not come. Or when they come, I did not capture it in time, and they leave. But I have also promised that I would write here, and so here it goes. 

To Wei Wei, I am so glad that God is faithful and true. The years that bind, miraculously brought me to visit half a year ago, and to pray, believe and trust together with you. And 2-3 weeks back, when you buzzed me on whatsapp, your "wa liao eh still not up"... and I knew, I knew things were getting better. :) This blog is also a testament of the friendship. It's this many years that I've already known you. The Lord will protect and keep you and your whole household safe. 💓

For me, perhaps, to re-start the engine here, I will just thank God for my week.

As last weekend was the UAE national day weekend, it was a really good 4-day break. There was ample rest, fellowship, food, gatherings, and lots of tennis. I recalled that on that Friday, as it was a half day and it was a declared work-from-home, I woke up earlier and went for a run. I don't recall running early weekday work mornings, so that morning was special. It reminded me of the SSG days, where as I woke up super early for work or meetings, some days, I will take a time out to go for a short jog or swim. 

Mornings are just beautiful. And I remember that during covid days, I will also steal a run round the big stadium. There will be those lone runners as well; we just quietly do our rounds. :)

I have had some good moments at work too. It's very different dynamics from the past DG office team, with us now being in a very local team. Some colleagues have also been seconded to join us, one key project got approved, it's the end of the winding down season.... so I think while it's been very challenging at one particular point in time, I am still grateful. Celebrating National Day at work was a recent one. These next 2 days, I will also focus on closing this work year, and hopefully, 2024 will be a greater one. 

My week felt like it just went by super fast too. I think, this week, I enjoyed tennis a fair amount. On Friday, I felt it was a good session. Roberto said it was the cleanest one thus far, and I was happy. It's not been that easy, trying to unlearn and relearn, and what seems beautifully and gracefully executed with so much finesse, is really not so easy on the courts. It's been slightly more than half a year. I started getting serious in May, and along the way, there were lots of "milestones", and also challenging moments. Today, I started my day with the mass session, and then did 2 baskets of serves to practise thereafter. Again, it was a beautiful morning. 

Amazingly, this week, I was able to clear my fridge as well. It was a tad hard work, to take out all the leftover food, for me who doesn't cook, and to try to innovate with them. The fact is that all the heavy lifting has been done, all I did was add in all the veges and multiplied the left-overs. Still... that was effortful, and yet very satisfying. I had numerous such meals. So yummy, so thankful.

I also got to know a new SGP. We had dinner on Friday night... and talked a long long time. By the time she left, omg, it was almost 2am. I do not know how it happened, but perhaps, it was just what Friday nights are. Sometimes, people enter, people leave. For now, I am just glad I could help support her first journey into Abu Dhabi, and in her apartment finding. 

I decided to buy myself a tennis t-shirt just right before dinner, after tennis... to remind myself of the good Fri tennis sesh. :) Zsc wilson shop does have bargain steals at times, though very seldom. 

And my body has been sore and tired at times. Tonight, was to be a massage night, but Liezel was not able to make it last minute, and so I went down town to just get my fix. So thankful that I have a car now. This 4-wheel experience, is like a cocoon... it somehow offers me a safe space, and takes me to different places. Thankful. 

Finally, as with all things December, it would never be complete without my usual once-a-year-same-same-Christmas-tree-with-Kenji-stare. 💓 I managed to set it up in less than 5 mins. So awesome. It brightens up the whole home with a Christmas feel. 

As with every week as well, this Sunday too, will give way to Monday. I am happy that we are in December, and I wish December will last longer. But that too, will pave the way for the new year. In 2 days, we will be going to Vienna, to have the first experience of Europe's Christmas market. It will be an amazing wintry white Christmas. And then, my besties will visit. The folks who have shaped me, journeyed with me, and have been so generous to me - they will come and spend Christmas together. So looking forward. 

This Christmas, shall be the best one yet. 💓