Night Reflection, The Intoxication

The night has... gently started to envelope the whole surroundings, and I think today, I had my first taste of cabin fever.

It's been more than a month here already, where apart from 2 supermarketing trips, I really haven't been out much. And I felt it was hard today. So I worshipped and prayed more today.

And yesterday's run was tough. I told myself that every weekend, I will do 10 rounds round Rihan Heights every Sat and Sun, and yesterday, it was so tough. I found this whole running a discipline. Before the version of CB here, I had many outlets to sweat, especially when the going gets tough. I could swim, tennis, gym, run - and run in different places. And now, I could only go round and round.

So I told myself so many things thru' the run to keep it going. The self-talk, the talk-to-God, the meditations, the proclamations, the confessions, the prayers, the singing-to-myself, the thinking-of-work, the imagining of the remaining kilometres like I was at MR and BTH.... the step-by-step, round-by-round, trudging on. It was really hard. I just had to keep telling myself it is the 7th round, 8th, 9th... :)

And I finished 10.
But not all days are that bad. Today was much easier. Thankfully.

I wonder if my friends are like me? Context is the run. For example, I motivate myself by the "good feelings" thereafter. Like I tell myself - just do it. Just 我慢。Or, look forward to the end point. ANd it's a discipline. C'mon - build it. Take care of yourself. Do what you can. And when I feel like giving up, I imagine which point I would be at MR. Whether or not it's catching up with the person in front or not to allow the person behind me to catch me, the kms left and its equivalence here round and round. That feeling of basking in the sun and the stretch thereafter. I dunno. Somehow, one thing is clear though. The end, is always, always, always so much so much sweeter.

And yesterday, a flurry of emotions intoxicated me.
I watched "The Last Dance", and I was so very touched. At one point, even teared a little.
It's about the Chicago Bulls, about MJ, SP and DR - and it brought me back to the days of my youth.
I can't possibly put the emotions into words, except that it really was an overwhelming gush of emotions, because I remember how inspired I was by the Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan, that really, at one point in my life, all I wanted is to play better basketball, and even - to play for Singapore.

How much in those days of youth and passion, and belief, and dream, I was.

I would sneak into the courts when the CC was closed, turned on the lights, practise my lay-ups, play some one-on-one, three-on-threes... and when there was note even a basketball ECA in my school. I just love the way the ball swoosh thru' the net, the way I could get past stronger and bigger defenders, the beauty of the set pieces, the sweat on the court, the teamwork. It got so intense I really wanted to play bball for Singapore then. And it was hard work. It was crazy passion. I remember the matches I played, the huge wins we had in school, the trainings in 外队, the playing for VJ and NUS, the BNSS team I brought to championship, the toil and the tears, that first love with the ball.

And I followed CB And MJ-SP-DR like crazy. Watched every single match, biting my teeth at times, cheering together.. the finesse, the toil, the wins - the triumphs. It was just crazy.

And so, yesterday, I was pretty overwhelmed. I don't think there was any other moment in my 40 years of life that I've ever felt such passion about 1 area, apart from wanting to be that "source of wisdom, bridge of understanding" in my love for my saviour, which brought me to places I cannot imagine.
Which is why, I pondered again - this thing about vocation and calling. If I can really be true to myself, what do I really really want to do?


Such a good 2 episodes. I very much look forward to this coming weekend... for the new episodes on NF.

So tonight, it's become dark already. Ramadan has started... there's not much difference to me being in a the lock-down. May all my Muslim friends enjoy their special month. This coming week - may I once again, be refreshed and ready.

I am ready for the blazing sun

I must say, the cloud seeding experts here are really quite good. There's been cloud seeding more frequently and one Chinese expert was even given PR-ship here for her cloud seeding breakthru' work here. See: https://www.thenational.ae/uae/government/cloud-seeding-expert-receives-permanent-residency-in-uae-1.937039

And so, it was really huge winds, and then rain 2 days back.

But... summer is still coming, and the temp has gone up steadily. One of the last few days, it's gone up to 41 deg.

And so, I need to prepare myself against the blazing and glaring sun beams. Ha ha. we should have done this, 3 years ago. But, better late than never!

So we decided to do blackout curtains for the entire living room. We had the blackout curtains for the glass panels just by my desk only, but now ... Ta da! Magic. It's for the whole living room. Bedroom (already full black-out).

Haha - and of course it's not just for work.
We can have good afternoon snooze, watch movies in some hues and shades, hide and be shielded from the whole world and of course, be protected from glare. :-D


Before - Haha, looks so..... boring.


After - looks a little cosier? :-D And maybe zoom meetings will be better too. I won't always be so dark. :-D

And as I said - summer season is really soon approaching. Irrigation for the fields have also become more frequent now.



Caught the rainbows today in my area. :) Always in awe, and though they are fleeting, for that moment, there is such beauty.
May Covid-season be over soon, so that I can once again jump into the waters and enjoy a nice swim.

WFH thru' Easter Weekend

The smell of fresh linen makes me happy. :) I just had a good shower, and the fresh tower linen smell - of the familiar sun-soaked clean smell - so wonderful.

The Easter weekend has just passed away like this, and today is Day 10 or 11 of Steve's 24-day hiatus. Time was both slow and fast, reflective, and overall, it was just good.

Birdy has passed away. I woke up to its lifeless body fallen this morning, and there were a few ants already crawling on it.

And yesterday, it was attempting to hobble. Maybe for a moment, I thought there would be resurrection today, but it remained still and lifeless... At least, we did try to nurture it back to health. And how did the ants come to the lifeless form so quickly? :( There were totally no ants yesterday.

Actually, I think there's some disinfectant poison in this area - 6 birds in last 2-3 weeks found dead, and this morning, I found one more dead one...

And back to this Good Friday Resurrection Sunday weekend, I am just thankful. :)
I've so many conversations with so many different ones over the last 3-4 days - this WFH period has been pretty meaningful and this weekend, it's not just Work-from-Home. 

It's also Worship-from-Home. Besides the regular CHC Easter service, I've had a remarkably beautiful worship session with some dearest friends, over zoom and some good Word-of-God-from-Home, Weekend-Svc-from-Home :) It's Easter and the message has remained the same - Jesus is alive, and because He is risen, I know I have a saviour who has done all He could for me. It's such a beautiful beautiful love story.

So touched - simple song, simple fellowship, simple worship.

And Wanz asked me what I thought of Rainbow Bridge in light of Birdy. I believe God has a special place for them. Because Matt 6 describes how God takes care of the birds of the air and lilies of the fields. And that these are all his beloved creation.


And also Word-of-Encouragement-from-Home - I woke up so early the last few days, somehow, for a very special friend. Going through tough times ain't ever easy. It's easy to say - just hang in there, trust God, and all these encouragements all mean well, but when you have to walk thru' disappointments, insecurities, somehow, unless there is a perspective change, the emotions are still downright fraught with confusion, sadness and misery. It's a very interesting thought though - because it could be the same situation, but when a new perspective comes, suddenly it feels like the heavy cloak has been lifted. I hope I have been able to bring some encouragement to my dear friend.

And this weekend was also much about the many Wonderings-from-Home. Kinda related to a myriad of topics - I read quite a lot of articles from various sources, read the news, read Economist, read different book chapters, watched a series of BBC clips on Free Will - and wondered about science, neuroscience, and the concept of free will - to which the BBC documentary argued that there is really no such thing as free will if we understand the law of physics. And wondered about discrimination and class distinction thru' Itaewon Class, about coffee and business thru' Starbucks Onward, and about Murakami Haruki's depiction of man and woman, and about the talents while watching "Come Sing with Me" and my thoughts are fuzzy, all over. Am thankful that I can discuss all the wonderings with Steveywonder and with good friends.

I also really wondered why Singapore has to use CB. Would it have been more effective if it were called directly the way it should be? The chinese dailies call it 断路器.... what does that really mean and does that resonate? A stronger word could have been more impactful, one that would not leave room for meaning negotiation. Some countries call it lockdown, others say it's movement restriction order, etc and here - National Disinfection Programme and curfew. And they are all directly addressing the seriousness of the issue and get the message directly across. Maybe there are some tensions that our government has to manage and balance, but in a pandemic situation like this, would it be better if it's authoritarian, given that we've already tried to manage it incrementally and the numbers are still increasing (even if it's contained to primarily the FW groups?)
And also - CB... sounds just....
Words - are so powerful.

I wanted to say we also Wine-from-Home, but... :) This weekend, we gin-tonic-ed instead. Haha - it's so refreshing and nice on Fri night. :) and while we Watch-Netflix-from-Home. Fantastic. :)
So thankful to technology - we can really watch the world from home. The videos, the dramas, the documentaries.


And certainly - Walk-Kenji-from Home. Unlike Dubai which has implemented a strict 24-hr stay-home policy where even dog-walking is disallowed, it is still permissible to bring Kenji out within our compound area. I am so thankful for that. May it not happen such that I can't bring K out.

Kenji looks so happy. :-D This is this morning, and this is the peripheral of my compound.

Haha, I am kinda having fun with these WFH expansions.

And so, I also started Webex-from-Home, now that Zoom seems to be under fire for zoom-bombing, for lack of privacy issues. We've just received a circular for external communications to be done thru' Webex... and so, it would be more webex, microsoft teams, IM skypes, etc.

And what about Whip-up-dinner-from-Home? Though nothing so special, always the same old, it's nice and good enough for me. I really can cook the soup and salmon in - 10 minutes! :-D And I've found out that adding carrots and onions make the soup so much so much sweeter. Slurps. And... suddenly, everyone has become master chefs. I see so many folks posting their own cookings online, or sharing with each other.... and I found myself watching some cooking videos. Ha ha. The Wonderful-food-creations-from-Home.


My supremely tasty soup - got 2 types of veges (lettuce and spinach), got mushrooms, got carrots, got onions, got eggs, and got salmon head. VERY VERY NICE. :-D

Finally, it's Workout-from-Home.  I think I can start to see more and more folks exercising within the compound. I saw a man running up and down and around the steps and compound; and I saw a woman on her stationary bike at the balcony. And then, one more - working out with weights. Li hai! We are all adaptive folks!!

It's actually quite a distance away - but Huawei is very good! All these scenes of the different ones working out, and friends in Singapore doing Tabatha and aerobics from home - we can still keep fit regardless.

This Write-from-Home journal thus sums up my beautiful Easter weekend. It's been a really good weekend. I am thankful, my body-soul-spirit is now full and nourished, and I am ready for the coming week.

My little Birdy adventure

This morning, I woke up really early, again, and while running around the compound, I found an injured young bird, and it was just not moving. I moved towards it, and it was shaking a little, but still, it did not move away. It looked like it had a broken or sprained limb.


I wondered what I could do - pick it up in my cap, and bring it home to nurse it? Leave it there, and maybe the bird family will take care of their own? I really thought for a while, and eventually, decided that I should see how to nurse it back to health.

So, I went back home, woke Steve up, and we decided to go find Birdy. If it were still there, we would see how to take care of it for a while. So, I took some ammunition with me - a plastic bag (cheesecake factory), a small holder (KFC plate), some paper towels, and went back to Birdy. I gingerly lifted it up into the holder and brought it back home in the plastic bag. It stayed still and quiet throughout. There was no resistance at all.


I didn't know if what I was doing was the right thing, but I knew that there is a possibility that the cleaners and sweepers might just sweep little Birdy away. I googled later, and it was a good thing to do, according to one US website. :-D

I took a shoebox, laid it with some paper towels, and put a small small tray of water and broke some breadcrumbs. It would be a temporary shelter for Birdy for now, at the balcony. The lid is left open, and it could leave any time it wanted. And Birdy did eat and drink after a while, and also poo-poo-ed.


About 5hrs later, it seemed more comfortable, and also tried to flap and moved around more. It jumped gingerly, and perched itself on a part of the balcony peripheral. And Kenji was aggrieved. I took a video - he was so so so upset with Birdy. After he knew there was no way to reach Birdy, he gave up, and just stared intently at Birdy.


So funny. I spent some good time just looking at them both.

And Birdy tried to move around a little more. It hopped a little and then fell again.
I went out to the balcony to sayang Birdy, and Kaypoh Kenji tried to follow. :-0


After a while, I put Birdy back into the shoebox. As it starts to move around a bit more and becomes stronger, I'll bring it back to the field. :)


A little Birdy Adventure this morning. :-D

- FINISH -

In the quiet of the night

In the quiet of the night, I have so many thoughts running thru' my mind, especially since last Saturday, and I am so wired and fuzzed up in my tiny brain I think too extremes at times.

A conversation about ambition and passion with one friend got me thinking. So I asked - what are your ambitions? It was following an exchange on how my friend said he thought he'd never be able to be like Bill Gates and Kelvin Hart (while quite extreme examples, both reflect the epitome of a passion-driven, vision-led life), because he just does not have such passions or energy. And so I asked him his ambitions, and he said - to own 3 property.

I thought really long after that... because when he asked me what my ambitions are, my honest answer is that I don't know. Am I weird in this? At one point in time, I wanted to represent Singapore to play basketball. At another point in time, I wanted to lead the girls team I coached to become the East Zone champions, and then to bring home the national glory. Yet another time, I thought I wanted to be a vet.

I was taken aback at how calmly my friend reflected the 3-property ambition, and to me, it's a good one too - he wanted to do is so he can have a leave-behind for his family. And it's not about chasing materials and wealth; it's actually something he really hopes to work towards.

So these last few days, I asked myself what I am really passionate about and excited over, and I can pin it to a few things: Language and Writing; Animals, Wellness and Fitness, Interior Design, People and Psychology. And - are these meant to be hobbies, or should they be pursued as passions and my career, my life? I do not know, and it's not even because I am not excited about the work I do.

Maybe this "Lockdown", "Curfew", "Circuit Breaker", "Disinfection Programme" or "whatever-you-call-it" is causing more introspective thinking, and just now, for a moment, when I see the supermarket and costa cafe in pitch darkness, I got that tad more melancholic.

I thought very much too about the concept of "value" - how can we even measure the amount of value one can bring to the table? Is one profession or one work role less of a value? (As is the case in different parliaments where suddenly, a lot is spoken about the unsung heroes - the nurses, the caregivers, the SCN workers, etc). I think everyone has a place to play in this ecosystem. Certainly the heroes in covid, but also, all others, e.g. the CEOs, the business leaders, the government etc. But this ascribing of value - this bit - how does one consider equity? Can that even be done? If not, then how does the individual value his or her own profession, or the role and contribution to an organisation, the work team?

Maybe these few nights, I just "talk to myself" more.
And still once again, I am grateful to the church family I have. The discussions and check ins, the sharing over the powerful works of the cross. These continue to sustain me so much. :)

I must say, despite my own befuddled musings, I am still pretty sane.
The highlight of these last few days was the awesome and majestic white horse sighting in Singapore. I was so so so enthralled. The sight was just too beautiful to behold, and quite funny too. It cracked me up because it is just unbelievable. The muscular and strong horse made its way thru' a petrol kiosk too. And, I was so very tickled by the shrill squeal of the lady in the video, and when she said they must contact SPCA.

[Source: StraitsTimes]

And if I could, I'd add that I'd love to be a horse trainer or equestrian too. :)) A childhood dream.

Birthday Leave musings

I am always so encouraged by the WoG... it never fails to lift up the spirit and soul. :) I grow in my love for my Abba Father, and in my knowledge and understanding. This week, especially when I felt unsure about certain emotions that hit me a few times, God reminded me thru His word that in good or bad times (the super oxymoronic extremes in 2 Cor 6:1-10), that there is no better time than now being the accepted time, than now that He is still in the midst, that now - is still the day of salvation, and it is my responsibility too, to grow and mature. In addition, today's sermon about the cross speaks too - the great exchange on the cross shows His great love, but the moral character of ours, is ours to mould and grow, and to commit to Him daily.


Very thankful to the online sermons. Very.

And that's why - I am so blessed. I am not even thinking about my own challenges or emotions that I might have felt, but just touched that God knows already all in me, my heart, my thoughts, my weaknesses - and I seek to continue to live well, and live right. Daily. May God continue to work in my heart, and help me in areas that I am challenged by.

And yesterday, I took my Birthday Leave. :)
1 month has passed by just like this. 1 month ago, it was the eve of my birthday, and that night, I was desperate for some time alone, and went for a very late evening run at MR. It was beautiful - I haven't really gone there when the skies darken, but it was a good evening-dusk-night jog-and-run. Because I needed to just pray a little, and commit the next half of my life into His hands. The whole world quietened down... I can still remember the feelings I had on the bridge. Some levels of anxiety - because I do not know where the second half of my life would be; some levels of peace - knowing that God is always good and faithful; some levels of excitement - maybe a new idea, a new thought, a new possibility; some levels of resolute - work towards an existing commitment and vision.


To be honest, so I don't really know what I want for my birthday except to endeavour to live well.

And shortly after, the world has became topsy-turvey in the 4 weeks (and more) post 5 March. The covid madness really hits, and the 1-month-ago world and the now-world - are same same and yet different.

Steve remarked that I am probably the least affected in this situation because I am already kinda "isolated". Here, I don't really have a need to go out unless I meet friends, play tennis, go supermarketing. And I only do this during weekend as I work during the week - remotely, WFH. And it's true - I don't really feel that there's any great adjustment for me. Life is BAU...

... apart from the fact that we are also now taking much more precautions when leaving the house to walk K, buy groceries. And we don the masks. Here, there are daily curfews and basically, all public places except the pharmacies and supermarkets are open, and if you have no business to be outside, you stay home (or be fined / imprisoned, according to the authorities). So - yes, we stay home daily, apart from 1 supermarket trip, where I stocked up on Salmon. 肯定足够。:)


Everyone is in masks - some standard, some creative ones.


I bought so much salmon - I have 20 packets now. :)

And Steve also started to work alternate shifts (with stand-bys) due to the drastic reduction of air traffic. What this means is that he might not need to work for 24 days straight, unless he gets recalled. And so I joked about this. Never have we had the opportunity to spend so much time together alone, for such a long period, and in such an enclosed space. Ha ha ha. This is quite funny. Because - friends ask how we are; there are different articles about tensions rising and people leaving each other; and... Steve says the world is crazy. Ha ha ha. Today is Day 5. And... we kinda like it? We joke daily about this. We definitely erm, get on each other's nerves a tad more - like "oooi, can u feed Kenji since you have 24 days?", and "but yesterday I feed liao, so today is your turn".

But all's good. We cooked together, and discuss the books and articles we read, walked K together, and I dragged him out for a run (in our compound), another first of the many firsts this month.


Beautiful dusk few nights back - my first time running in rihan compound. :) Felt so alive! Felt so so good!! And I never knew I could actually run 10 rounds in my compound. But I did - while staying in. Basically, you are not allowed to leave your compound, but within, and with social distancing and precautions, I can still walk K round and round, and also run round and round. This compound is big, and so that's good. My neighbours and I, just walk or run round and round and round and round. Ha ha - and I thank God for it. :)


And walking K round and round and round. :-D
And before 8pm. Beautiful night stroll.

We did Bak Kut Teh yesterday. He he. This is easy compared to the Japanese curry stew I did last Sunday. And.... we always overcook. Ha ha ha. 5 eggs, 2 onions, 1 lettuce, and 1 whole pot of BKT. But... super shiok, and we finished... most of it. :-0



And - I concluded that I can cook if I want, but I have not yet found that passion. Maybe it will one day happen, like magic.

Finally - albeit the madness, everyone still tries to live the best that they can. I see the facade cleaners do their work. I see the delivery folks more from my level 1 window. The supermarkets here are also constantly being stocked up. And remote work continues to happen for all of us in SSG and in Singapore. This too, shall pass - and there will be that day when life resumes more normally in the new-normal way.


Terrible K - so angry. And. That. Face.