I gaze out
of my Rihan window I couldn’t
move an inch In the distance,
some birds were chirping I see children
and different ones, walking
Going about
their lives this quiet, sunny afternoon.
In my mind, gentle and peaceful. 2024 is the
most intense year I’ve ever had. It speaks
to me of great hopes, and crushed promises. How both
can happen at the same time. And how
life and its strength will carry on nonetheless Gratitude,
Compassion, Courage The core of
this morning’s sermon and message.
I have had
a blast this year. I know 2025
will be a good one too. Because God
is love,
and God is good. So, I stand
upon the shoulders of my Giant. Step by
step, with courage, keep on. With thanksgiving
and kindness, move on.
Ibtismee - smile on.
I am
thankful for all that 2024 has brought me. The lessons
untold. The very precious moments, their beauty. The
strength and the love. The travels, the health, the career. The peace
in my mind. This
beautiful Sunday… Soon 2025.
This Sunday evening, as the weekend draws to a close, I decided to do a stock take of these last few weeks. :)
My thoughts will be random, all over, because honestly, everything is connected to everything else, and as I think about one thing, I am also thinking about many multiple things.
I just did some pieces of work; many times, I still marvel at this opportunity given to me, and the last 3 weeks have been good. I will continue to learn fast, and be myself and do my best.
I was wondering how I can cope with the long travel. I think I am still trying, but it has gotten better. The concept of a "protected time", just like when I am in the airplane - I can use the time productively too - to rest if I need to, and to read and catch up on news. And then, to tell myself to look forward to the days in AD office, almost like how we look forward to weekend coming concept. The mind is marvelous, because once it changes perspectives, we feel better and can cope with anything.
And today, this morning, I ran too. They were playing badminton, but I have not yet found the motivation to play badminton on a Sunday morning with the big group. Maybe one day, I will. Just not now yet. I thought I could get a tennis slot this morning, but again, alas, it was not to be. But, I tell myself, Ok, breathe. If it's not meant to be, then just find another way.
These last few weeks, I have been pleasantly surprised and touched. They come in the form of many different ways. I received little gifts. I am not really a "gift" person. But still, I know, I always know that God encourages me in even these littlest things.
Blessed - by a beautiful bouquet. So so so surprised. And, many paths will cross. One lady I met recently mentioned that she thinks I will be here, for a while. Who knows. :)
Blessed - with a painting and a handwritten note by Ghaya. I was really happy. I look forward to the day I will do bbq at her house. "Even in the belly of the whale, there would be hope". It is the story of Jonas.
Blessed too - by this delivery - What I talk about when I talk about running. I consciously asked myself this during this weekend's run. I was thinking so many so many random things, even wondering what songs will appear on my YTM - fast one, slow one, or what. But primarily, I think I think about people I care for. I pray for them. I also focus on the sermon I listen to. But, I am enjoying the book so far.
And, blessed - that I can run. So since, I am talking about running, so many running episodes these last 3 weeks. Here goes.
Blessed too - by a friendship that spanned many decades, for the time and effort to come by to AD to just have a meal.
Blessed too - by good meals, by good friendships, by Zann and Jerry who love Noodle Bowl - and for taking time to come down all the way today to just eat lunch, by funny dinners in a box, :-D
TYJ. Capturing all that I feel, at this moment. TYJ.
This beautiful Sunday, I am settled in at home, thinking about the past few months, or past few quarters, to be exact, and how time was really fast at times, and also, very very slow too at other times. I was reminded of Ecclesiastes 3 several times in some poignant moments the last few weeks, and it is such a beautiful chapter.
As I breathe a little, I choose to remain in the present, and to practice mindfulness, me and my thoughts, me and Kenji, me and the worship music in the background, me and the quietness in the house.
Tomorrow, a new chapter begins for me. This is also a season of new chapters for so many different ones I know.
I remember so many things the last couple of weeks. In Italy, I remember my mum, dreamt about my dad. Just moments ago, I remember the story of the black and white dog - whatever you feed grows bigger in your mind. I randomly remember I must book Zuma again - it was a wonderful brunch yesterday. I remember that night when I went to a run, and after that, drenched in sweat, just laid at LD and felt glad I did the run and felt the night breeze and humidity on me. I remember the sunsets, doing my best for my parents-in-law, thinking about otousan, how the past 3+ weeks flashed by. I remember Naples and the sleepless night. I remember the various emotions parsing my very being through, intense at times.
Italy was beautiful. It was a time of rest, and lots of reflections. It is possibly the most extreme trip for me, in the sense that I experienced so many different emotions. :)
I pray I will continue to be salt and light wherever I go, that I bring out the fragrance of my name. I pray that I will walk in wisdom in this next chapter, and that I will always choose kindness and gratitude.
Eccle 3:1 - 11 - Everything Has Its Time
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven;
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit has the worker from that in which he labours? I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.
I am still in the AD journey. It will come and go too.
HK came, and went. So did Japan. So did Germany. Then Singapore, then Italy. Then UAE again. There is such beauty and growth in this season. The next one, will be equally amazing, because God will make everything beautiful in its time.
Over the course of the DED journey, I've felt so much support and love and it's going to come to a close very soon. I am somehow prepared for the new journey. Yet, with everything new, comes some kinds of fears and unknowns.
This weekend, the word that keeps popping up is "abandonment", and I have to tell myself many many times over that I have to fight such a fear. If I let go of my own fears and my attachments to current needs and comfort, a new door will open, a new thing will come my way, and I'll be able to embrace another journey and learn, grow, develop. I keep having to tell myself that the next year will be ok, refusing to let negativity sink in, because they are going to be so real the next month, the next quarter.
This morning, the devotion was about Timothy, how he just kept being brave. To know that if I am feeling unsure, uncertain, or even afraid today, Paul's encouragement to Timothy is for me too - Stir up my faith and trust in God, never forget that He is with me. With Him at my side, no matter how difficult things look, I can do whatever I need to do through Him. (https://joycemeyer.org/DailyDevo)
I think I am scared, because decisions have been made, and they are big ones. I will have to learn how to be brave, in Him. And all will be well.
All these shadows in my mind - I can let light, the peace of God, the love of God, illuminate them.
The last trip back to Singapore - is a reminder that God has been so close to me all throughout my life. While man may fail, He will never.
And Shan just had a long chat with me. We talked about how the weekend has been, how the next phases of our lives will look. She is such a blessing to me. Such a huge blessing. Good things come to those who wait. What we have built - we can build again. :)
Her name is Ghaya, and it's been a budding friendship. Every morning, we greet each other. :) The hugs, the kisses - and yesterday, it's become a deeper sharing. I wore an angel pendant to work this morning, and was thinking about how God knows all things, my innermost, and when I need an angel, He sent one to me.
This pendant was given to me by Pricilla, a long time ago, when I moved divisions in SSG / WDA. And I've kept it and brought it to Abu Dhabi. Somehow, I decided to put it on this morning, as I was touched by Ghaya's sharing yesterday. And I seldom wear necklaces.
This morning, Ghaya came into my office again, and we spoke about the Quran and Bible, and the different verses. It was so good to see her so excited, and to share her belief with me. There are so many similarities, and I learnt too, about Mariam (Mary), Lut (Lot), Yousef (Joseph), and also, Jesus. And... about Angels. 💓
Yesterday and today, she shared many Quran verses with me. And today, I learnt a new word - Zakah, which means "to purify, to cleanse", in Arabic.
God is amazing. Experiences like that, always speaks of how real He is - His love for me.
I started reading "Before the coffee gets cold", and it tells of 4 different stories interwoven together, in a cafe, where time travel is possible, but with certain conditions. I finished the first story, and it piqued me enough to want to continue. She wanted to get back to the day where she could tell her boyfriend to stay, and it was an interesting depiction of how no matter what, the present cannot be changed, and the first story ended with the hope that we can always create the future. I found it alluring, to some extent, how the author was able to cleverly include the various elements of the reality, into a fictitious settings, and where all of us, at some point or another, would have thought about travelling back in time, the "what-ifs", even for pragmatists.
I suppose this season is a season of "road not taken", "new beginnings", "possible futures", and there will not be another same season like this again.
I came back from Berlin, and felt recharged and rejuvenated work-wise. Professionally, it was a very good time of networking and discussions, and learning how academics work, think, thrive - is also definitely enriching, and to hear some real nuggets from the Germans themselves, I was thankful. The panel and sharing, was also a good way for me to challenge myself, to know how I would respond on the spot, and not only that, but to share useful insights on both SG and AD. Of course, I had some butterflies. I can so vividly remember telling Shan and Jonas that I am going to disappear that day during lunch, just so I can go into my own space to breathe, and to process the various myriad thoughts and scenarios.
I, for one, would not be able to just memorize and read off anything. I also came to realize that I need to listen, and to trust my own flow. SJ was right in that respect. She told me I will do very well. And that once I start, I will be in the flow. And, I so enjoyed the rich sharings and discussions. It is almost as if I have to know the audience, understand where they are headed towards and what they would be interested in, and then listen to the discussions, the critiques and comments, and the questions asked, and then provide my own inputs. I love this challenge.
So Berlin has been tremendous. In fact, all the key trips this year have been tremendous. I did not plan for Japan; it just happened. I did not plan for Berlin; it just happened too. And it was also the UEFA Cup season in Berlin, and it so happened that Shan was able to join in as well. The week was so enriching for me. And to return to Abu Dhabi - while that in itself is a very welcoming thought (this place I now call home, and to get back into the structured routing), I also started to think about possible next areas of learning and improvement.
The 44-yr old in me, just seems to have so much energy.
I share some amazing nuggets and pictures here. Nowadays, it's become almost a routine for me to create a simple video. It is to help myself remember, and I started out doing this to learn how to use the video editing software. Beautiful Berlin (ooops, and I think my previous Berlin trip, I described it the same).
Today, time really felt still. Office was slightly abuzz with reporting updates, considering future possibilities, and even, playing EID games. It is nice for a change; I think we all had some fun. And lunch too - a combination of my favourite local coffee and quiches. :))
I love this song that came on as I was running last night. It is a combination of 2 of my favourite songs.
I had such a vivid dream of a blazing fire tearing through SG last night. I woke up at 3am with that dream. I was standing on a small hill with 2 others, and thought I saw the blaze afar (like it was at some refinery), and then it was getting bigger and bigger. I thought I was safe, until it reached the area similar to MBS.
The building, the top of the building started to vapourize. The blazes and fire were burning, and it was so bright, so fierce, so ferocious, and I could see the individual rooms and the whole building being consumed. And the next building caught fire too.
The flames went up into the dark night sky. It was yellow, orangish, transparent - translucent, white, fiery hues.
For a moment, I couldn't move, and was wondering if I should take out my camera to catch it on video.
The 2nd building got consumed too.
And then suddenly, the land - comprising of low-rise buildings and the CBD space, the boat quay, clarke quay, chinatown areas - different plots started to burst into orange flames.
And suddenly, I wondered - are we safe? What is happening? How will the fire be put out? It looked so impossible to me. How will they get the fire under control? How will new PM Wong handle this? How will Singapore recover?
This morning, I told myself Be Calm, Don't react Let the dust settle, let myself be me Don't fret, don't wonder Be me, be filled with the Fruits of the Spirit Be steady.
And, next week, I will be headed to Berlin with Shan. It's gonna be such a good time out, with much learning and networking and engagements, but also with exploring Berlin and perhaps a day trip out. HK, Japan, both came and went. I think this year will be peppered with such nuggets of exploration and excitement.
I wonder how much I've come in terms of tennis. The recent sessions have been very enjoyable. Changing some techniques are hard, and yet once I get it, it feels so good.
Singapore will beckon again in July. I am so looking forward.
I suppose this morning, just tapping away here is therapy for me. Again, the full work day is still ahead. Be calm, be still, be steady.
FB recently reminded me of this pic... it was 12 years ago yesterday.
Many things have changed, and yet, many are still constant. Through it all, still the same and constant.
The last couple of months have flown by so swiftly. Kenji has also started to age. I've also gone to different places and met up with different ones. Japan has been awesome and such a wonderful break. Nothing compares to experiences gained, and hopefully growing wiser with age.
Beautiful Japan - thank you, and to MH, Lips, Sabie, Wendy. Much much 💓
https://youtu.be/gdXi85Qanaw
Robert Frost's beautiful poem sums up my decade, and the last few months up too.
I tried to write... but I really couldn't write much... as my thoughts are a whirlwind... "Hossana" and "It is well" are just playing in the background, and just moments before, it was 嘉宾 and 只是太爱你...
I am just very thankful for December, and everything that builds up to it.
There was some amount of rest; it was the first time I could take 13 days off, and with that and the weekends, it's been more than half the month. I had 2 amazing trips, one to Vienna and one where my favourite people came to visit me in Abu Dhabi. God has just been amazing and faithful, despite my weaknesses and my fragility so many times.
I looked back at the year, and I really cannot describe in just one journal how it's been. It's been amazing at times, overwhelming others, and many times, I think as I go through one season, I get to know myself better. I think I learnt so much about myself throughout this year, much more compared to other years. I was touched by the Christmas sermon, when PK preached about darkness and how darkness is in itself necessary and a blessing - and where through dark times, we learn and mature, and grow. I think... this year has a couple of such times. They may not be totally dark, but what I think is that I've learnt about myself more through them. I think 2024 will still be that journey.
I took up tennis more seriously in May. And this was somewhat a lifeline for me, for me to pour my emotions into, whenever I felt down and out. Yes, I learn techniques and enjoyed them, but just like running, tennis has also become a "time-out", for some me-time, even if I am playing different ones on the court. Maybe I get impatient some days, maybe I want to improve, but... it's been a tremendous time of learning, hitting, me-time, reflection time. :)) And, it's apt to say that I've ended my 2023 with one last hit.
It's "You are my Sunshine" playing right now. :))
And - I am very grateful and my heart is overwhelmed, for the last 7 - 9 days. I had the most amazing time with everyone.. thank you Sabie, Lips, Daph, Ranie, Jon and Rena. You guys... are just Wao Wao Wao. I am so glad you can share in a little bit of my Abu Dhabi life, and see Kenji. Some ties, are for a long long long time.. It's amazing how everything came about. :))
The most precious times to me are not the visiting of the places, but the HTHTs we had at different moments, and throughout the night, especially the 2nd last night, where we gave thanks, we talked, we sang songs, we laughed ourselves silly. It's raw, it's real, and it's what is most special to me. Thank you, my dearest friends.
I can only sum up my gratitude in this one video here. And, I actually did 3 takes for this. The 1st 2 times, somehow, wasn't saved... me not the most savvy of all when it comes to video editing, but finally, this morning, I got it sorted out. :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAwVPaD5WZw
And, my favourite photo of the trip. This. Maybe one day I will become her helper when she sets up her vet clinic.
Looking at the above, I think one thing rings so true - seeds. We reap what we sow. I pray that I will continue to sow good seeds, and despite my fragility and weakness, that I will continue to sow, and bring much to the people around me.
And - John 3:16 - for God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son... May I always remember how much God has so loved me, and that I may continue to do my best and do my best for Him. :)
