Friday, November 24, 2017

I tumbled and fell

It happened just too quickly that I could only remember that should I hit the bottom of the escalator, I need to be quick enough to push myself and roll over that gap so that I, or my hair, would not get stuck in that elevator gap.

We were leaving Abu Dhabi airport and were going up the escalator when this happened. Steve was in front of me with his suitcase and before he went up the escalator, he asked me if I would be okay lugging my suitcase up the escalator too. I cheerfully responded, "Yes, no problem."

And the next thing I knew, I was tumbling down the escalator, the suitcase first, and then I followed. He said I tumbled and rolled over a few times. 

And I knew I had to get myself to safety. As much as I tried, I wasn't able to force myself up because of the escalator momentum  and I just kept tumbling down the steps as the escalator moved upwards. So my mind was swirling. I only knew that I must not hit the bottom step. 

And I did not; I was one step from the bottom. Because suddenly, a pair of strong arms lifted me up. And the escalator stopped moving. 

I never felt such emotions before, such kindness (it is not even the word that is apt here) before. For this first time, I really cannot express how I felt, except that when I saw that he was an Indian man, I just felt that it was the first time I had clearly looked at humanity, mankind, and there was such love - to save, to help, to care. He was likely a foreign worker here, doing his best to make ends' meet for his family at home. It was mayhem to me, but this man ran up the escalator, and with him was the other Indian man who rushed to hit the emergency stop button, and other Etihad and airport staff running over. There was a huge amount of assurance, relief... and safety, as I was lifted up. 
In SG and in Abu Dhabi, there are many Indians living amongst us, and all along, I had known diversity and appreciated the differences ... but last night, for the first time, I felt that race is a beautiful thing. We are all unique, but we are all made to feel, care for, love, help, care... and these universal unspoken feelings and emotions make us all the same. 
I really found myself unable to express how I felt. Because honestly, it was the first time I felt like this. 

I got some blue blacks and scratches, but that's about it all. Thankfully, I had changed to jeans instead of slacks though I thought it would have been more comfortable to be in slacks in the plane. I had wanted to put the jeans into the suitcase to further cushion the wine we bought, but it was a good thing I wore jeans as they protected my knees and legs. 

And... Steve kept saying sorry to me. I looked at him as the escalator stopped abruptly, and I just saw him totally in shock too. He kept saying sorry but I really really did not blame him at all. There was no way he could have helped me. Because if he let go of his suitcase, it too would tumble over, hit him and me together too. And I was not the slightest bit angry; he thought I might have been as he couldn't help me at all. 

That moment and the moments thereafter, it was just internal, it was just reflective. I could not blame anyone. I did not know how I had fallen. I had gone up the escalator with my suitcase before. All I felt was a strong reflective and somber realization that I am getting older, weaker, and that my strength would fail. That what I think I can handle and do, I really do not know better. I started to realize even more so, that I am so "fallible". There was really nothing I could do when I just tumbled over. Even when I thought I could have the strength to push myself into a sitting position on the moving escalator, I couldn't.

I was really very touched when Steve just hugged me and said sorry repeatedly. 
It must have been the worst ever feeling - he said he felt totally helpless and there was nothing he could do for me when I just tumbled, even if he wanted to. I tried to imagine how it would have been if he had fallen. I honestly do not know. I would have felt sick to the pits, knowing that there was nothing I could do. 

This episode is yet another reason why 2017 has been such a year. :)
I am truly grateful and thankful, that even in the tumbling, God has shown me His grace and protection. I would continue to feel the physical bruises for a while, but I pray... that God will always help me remember that I am not so strong, so that I can lean on Him daily even more. And in Him, I will find the strength and refuge; that it be not by my own might or strength, but by His Spirit.  



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